Yep, I’ll be honest, blogging is not one of my strengths. And, being even more honest here, anything that requires me to do something on a regular basis is not my specialty. Examples are: exercising, blogging, journaling, praying, reading my Bible, reading in general. Yep.
On another note, I’ve been going back and forth between feeling light ‘n’ breezy about life and slightly panic stricken. I’m feeling anxious; I don’t want to “waste my youth” so to speak. I have been somewhat sporadically looking into all sorts of possibilities: midwifery, working/living abroad, another year of Literacy AmeriCorps, just finding a JOB. So (actually, make that TOO) many choices. I would have been cool with simply inheriting a trade; like being a blacksmith. Actually, though, if that still happened I probably would have popped out a few babies by now, and that’s what I’d be doing.
I have been trying to find a church, and that’s been causing some anxiety. Nothing seems to fit so far. I find myself also feeling anxious just going new places by myself. Especially somewhat smaller churches because I stick out like a sore, new thumb. Sigh. I know I need to get.over.it. Just feeling a bit torn, pulled in many and no direction(s) all at once.
The whole single thing has been good. After some evaluation, I think I can pin point at least one problem in mine and youknowwho’s relationship. We became an old married couple who spent every waking moment together. It wasn’t my intention, but I lost contact with a lot of friends. Luckily, said friends are pretty nice and haven’t had much problem hanging out with me again. Not only did we both lost contact with people, we both stopped trying to discover and grow as individual people. We were each other. We defined each other. To a point, it’s good to be in love and connected, but there needs to be something other than that other person. And now that I no longer have that other person, I’ve been running around trying to fill the hole with stuff, and I’ve been feeling pretty damn impatient with the whole process.
I need to revert back to the original plan that I so quickly abandoned: pray. read Bible. church. friends. stop worrying all the DAMN TIME.
xoxo
